I thought it was for suckers, I never really knew
by boomendeh
Summary: Lexa is focused and structured, Clarke is trying some self-improvement and wants to need no one. Both are jaded, intelligent, and hold back too much.
1. Chapter 1

Lexa gasps for breath as she finally slows to a walk on the track. It had been half a mile more than she ran last time but she is still annoyed with herself for stopping. Unfortunately, she would already be cutting it close on time. She has to clock in in 15 minutes and she wouldn't even have time to shower, at this rate. Her breath is labored but it settles after a few minutes of walking and she is able to take in her surroundings and center herself. She walks next to the rail around the inner part of the track. The track, about twice the length of a standard track, is basically just a wide walkway that makes up the top level of the building and encircles the gym equipment area on the next floor down. Below, she watches gym patrons lift weights and jog on treadmills, rolling her eyes at some particularly douchey looking "bros" flexing at themselves in the mirror. She prefers running outside, on nature trails or quiet neighborhoods usually, but she likes the way the track is set up here. She feels somehow less like a hamster on a wheel than she does on a normal track. The set up allows her to people watch at a distance and feel a little separate from it all; a little above it all.

When her breath has slowed enough, she makes her way down the stairs that lead to the second level of the gym and into the employee locker rooms across the atrium. Luckily, she finds the room empty and revels in the silence as she towels herself off, adjusts her hair, and throws on her work shirt; a green V-neck with the words Grounder Fitness on the breast pocket. She glances at the clock. _Shit_. She has two minutes to make it to the front desk. If she had a personal training session, she would not be as concerned but she is taking over the front desk duty for Anya for the first hour and she knows she will pay if she shows up late. She runs some deodorant under her arms, looks in the mirror, and shrugs. One of the perks of working at a gym is that you are usually going to sweat anyway, so you don't need to stress as much about being powder fresh. She has looked worse after a workout and she is actually impressed by how she got herself together in such a short time.

 _Probably just means you didn't push yourself enough today._

She rolls her eyes at her internal voice and kicks herself again for putting off her paper until so late the night before, oversleeping, and finding herself in this rushed state. Lexa is usually very organized, structured and punctual, but she went out for a drink with Lincoln and Anya to celebrate the first official year to make a profit on the gym. It had been tough at first. After Lincoln opened the gym, he barely broke even for a few years, but he had worked himself nearly to death and things were actually going really well now.

After dinner, she made the mistake of accepting the challenge of a game of pool, and her competitive streak punished her again. Before Lexa knew it, it was 11 and she had to go home and write her paper until 3, when she was finally able to sleep.

 _At least I won_. She smiles to herself.

As she rounds the corner to the front desk, she sees Anya staring blankly at Carli, the bleach-blonde new-hire, who is prattling on about something that Anya clearly could not give two shits about. Anya sees her approaching and immediately walks out of the "conversation", glaring in Lexa's direction.

"You're late."

"I'm not. It is 11:30. I'm right on time."

"You are supposed to be her the second it turns 11:30. Right now its…Oh! Look, its 11:31!"

"Calm down." It's a risky phrase to use at this juncture, knowing Anya's temper, but it works out.

Anya's expression becomes slightly more pained than angry as she lowers her voice. "You know that I fucking hate dealing with the front desk. People are idiots and the company is…"she glances over towards Carli, who is flirting with a new customer, "less than desirable."

Lexa smirks. Anya's words are innocent enough, but her tone is dripping with disdain and conveys something closer to _fucking idiot_ or _worthless dumbass_. She sympathizes and feels a little guilty. Anya was out late, too, and had to be here early so she probably got just as much sleep as Lexa. Neither of them is too fond of front desk duty and Carli does not make it more enjoyable. But, for now, until Carli gets the hang of everything, everyone has to work at least an hour of their shift there. And though they were, for all intents and purposes, Lincolns sisters, he didn't want to show favoritism.

"Well, I'm here. Go on. I think I saw your 11:45 client looking for you around the rowing machines. He looked a little nervous." She gave a knowing smirk.

"Ah ha, this is when my day gets good."

"You are evil."

"Why? They come here to get their asses kicked into shape. I'm just enthusiastic about my job."

"Right. I think you enjoy the 'ass-kicking' a little too much."

Anya just shrugs. "Hey, we've all got our gifts." With that she saunters off, a little more pep in her step. Lexa just smiles and shakes her head. Anya could be tough as hell with her clients, but she did get results…if they didn't quit after the first session, that is.

She walks up to the chair that Anya was previously occupying and sits down. Carli, who has finished with her customer, eyes her.

"Hey Lexa, how's it going?" She gently touches her arm. Lexa turns away from her, with the excuse of powering up the computer, and maintains her stoic expression, trying to keep her eyes from rolling. Ever since Carli got wind that Lexa liked girls, she has been flirting and fishing hard for compliments. Lexa doesn't even think Carli is into girls, but Carli sure does like attention and that is something Lexa rarely gives anyone. Objectively, Lexa could admit that Carli was okay to look at, but her personality was absolutely awful and Lexa was never good at separating those two things when she sized someone up. The second most people spoke, Lexa was over it.

"It's going okay." Lexa immediately busies herself on the computer, looking for any administrative stuff she can distract herself with for the next hour until someone else relieves her. Luckily, since they hired Carli, someone just needs to be here to make sure things are running smoothly and answer any questions outside of what Carli has learned about operations. Lexa enjoys that this arrangement keeps her interaction with people to a minimum.

"So, I got that guy to get a premium membership just now. Worked some magic." Though Lexa is not looking at her, she is certain she can hear a wink.

"Great. Well, done." It is said with no enthusiasm, but Carli latches onto it.

"Yeah, I am so glad I got this job. It is, like, really easy for me to hook these guys. I don't know what it is…"

Lexa wants to snap at her and tell her that it is her job to provide people with an opportunity to better themselves, not to trick them into paying for a membership they will never use, but she resists. It is always good to get the premium memberships, for the sake of business, but she hates how Carli is making it all sound so devious.

"Who knows?" Lexa has to hold in her smile, because Carli seems a little hurt that Lexa didn't offer up any suggestions as to why she was so good at "hooking" them. Lexa takes some satisfaction in Carli's reaction. Shallow people grate on her nerves and Carli is a perfect example, with her constant baseless bragging and that stupid fake smile she gives to customers. That smile annoys Lexa to no end. Lexa, herself, very rarely smiles at customers. Lincoln has actually complained to her about that, but at least she is not being fake. She doesn't even think she is capable of faking a smile like that. Carli, however, lays the charm on thick and, according to Lincoln, _"it's good for business."_ Probably because Carli is not the only shallow person in the gym. This place is covered with people obsessed with their bodies who think happiness and meaning are going to come in the form of toned abs and 2% body fat.

 _The nature of the job, I suppose._

Lexa almost feels hypocritical because she enjoys what the gym has done for her health and her body, but she has always been more focused on feeling strong and being healthy. The body-image obsession infuriates her. She has found that, perfect body (whatever that means) or not, most people just suck.

She has finally found a list of lapsed clients that needs to be taken out of the database to busy herself with, when she hears Carli greet new customers with an overly-friendly voice. "Hello, how can I help you?"

"Um, I, uh, wanted to sign up. For the gym. I mean, a membership? Sorry, I don't know how this works. I've never really been to a gym." Lexa stirs at the voice. It's a little raspy and, somehow, very eloquent, despite the slight stuttering. She raises her head a little to see over the monitor she has been hiding behind and sees blue eyes looking in the direction of Carli and a small, kind smile curving up the corners of the girl's mouth. The girl has her blonde hair up in a bun and looks a little nervous.

Lexa watches (and feels her heart drop?) as the girl's smile falters and her expression grows a little defensive. She looks at Carli to see why and sees her looking up and down the girl's form with her eyebrows raised as if to say _'I can see you don't go to the gym.'_ And Lexa cannot account for the way her blood boils.

Carli, completely oblivious, spreads that fake smile across her face, saying "Let me just grab the application and I'll need a form of ID." Lexa is surprised when the girl says nothing and, with a defiant look, slams her ID on the counter without a word. Carli grabs it and hands the girl an application. "Just fill this out and we can get you started." She hands her a pen and goes to office behind the counter to grab some of the gym brochures.

Lexa has forgotten her mindless task and is furtively watching the girl fill out the application. She can still see the fury behind the blonde girl's eyes as she fills out the form in front of her. Her brow is furrowed and, while she is filling out the form quickly and without apparent trouble, it looks like she is simultaneously thinking up a storm. Lexa can almost see her thoughts racing behind her eyes. The girl's jaw clenches and a wisp of hair falls over her face. Lexa traces it with her eyes, letting them trail over smooth skin and the soft curve of her jaw. Suddenly the girl's eyes snap up and she is looking directly at Lexa and Lexa feels her heart stop. _Busted._

But the girl only looks for a second, and then she is back to the form, not looking back at Lexa or changing her facial expression in the slightest, as if she hadn't even seen her. Just as she finishes up the form, Carli is back with the brochures. She takes the form and looks it over, typing some information into the computer.

"Okay! So Ms. Griffin, which membership would you like to sign up for today?" Carli begins to explain each membership level and Clarke is listening intently, trying to take in all of the information. Suddenly Carli begins to speak in a more cloying tone. "I, however, recommend the Premium membership. It includes all of that, plus access to our nutritionist, free visitor passes, and access to your own locker. That one will have ANYONE in beach ready shape in no time." Her emphasis on the word 'anyone', and the pointed look she sends in the girl's direction seems to hits a nerve in Lexa.

"Carli." Her tone is authoritative and she tries to keep her anger in check. "Go see if you can find some more brochures in the stock room. We're getting low up here."

Carli looks very surprised at Lexa's words, and takes a second to register them. "But…I'm helping a customer…" Her confusion is evident.

"I will finish up with her. Go. Now."

Carli seems caught off guard. Maybe because she has never seen Lexa volunteer to help a customer, much less do so in the middle of Carli's membership sale's pitch. Or maybe because this is probably the most Lexa has ever spoken to her. Either way, she seems intimidated enough by Lexa's tone to hurry away. "Okay…I'll be back…"

Lexa sighs as she walks over to the space Carli was just occupying and glances at the application. _Clarke. Clarke Griffin. Good name._ "So, Ms. Griffin, which membership would you be interested in signing up for?" She wants to apologize for Carli, tell Clarke that Carli always flirts with guys and shames girls for membership bumps, but it's not really Lexa's style. She's not even sure why she made Carli leave. Normally when she overhears the snotty comments, she just ignores them and counts down the time until she can leave the hell that is the front desk.

 _Maybe it was just one too many. That must be it._

Clarke's brow is still slightly furrowed as she contemplates, glancing up at Lexa, before glancing back down at the brochure with the prices and amenities list. "I think I'll stick with the basic one."

"Okay then." Lexa begins to put the information in the computer. "If you do want a personal trainer session or to attend a class, or anything else, just come to the front desk and you can pay for it separately." She chances a glance at the girl while she is typing and sees that she still has some of that anger in her eyes and is looking questioningly in Lexa's direction. It honestly makes Lexa a little nervous. Possibly as an attempt to deal with this feeling, she leans slightly over, lowers her voice and says "this is honestly the better deal, if you ask me."

 _Why? What are you doing? Are you trying to start a fucking conversation?_

Conversations with strangers is something she avoids at all cost …particularly customers. She is pleasantly surprised, however, when she sees the girl's furrowed brow relax a little and a ghost of that same kind smile from before reappear on the girl's face. Lexa can feel her own smile make an appearance as she quickly looks back at the screen, ignoring how her heart beat has picked up.

The girl doesn't say anything as Lexa finishes inputting her information in the computer, gets her payment information and activates her entrance card. She slides the card across the counter and explains how to enter and exit through the gates. Clarke listens intently and nods to show she understands. Lexa finds herself wishing the girl would say something again so she could hear her voice. She ignores the thought.

"So, I think you are all set. Are you ready for a tour?" Clarke nods and lets a small "Sure" escape her lips.

Just then, Carli comes around the corner, empty handed, looking flustered, like she had been digging through every box in the stock room. "Lexa, I couldn't find any of those brochures. I looked everywhere!" She looks concerned. Lexa is amused.

"Oh, I found some in that drawer down there." She absentmindedly points to the drawer directly under the chair she was occupying. Right where she knows the extra brochures are kept. "My bad." Carli lets out a long sigh and has a look on her face that is a mix of confusion and exhaustion.

Lexa hears a soft giggle from across the counter and looks up to see Clarke smiling widely, looking away from the two employees. But she knows she heard. It makes Lexa feel oddly proud.

"Come on, Ms. Griffin. Let's do your tour." Lexa barely notices the rare and genuine smile that is covering her own face. "You got the desk, Carli?

Carli just huffs an annoyed response and retakes her seat.

As Clark comes around and uses her key card for the first time, she looks a little more relaxed. After entering through the gate she walks to stand next to Lexa, her bright eyes looking up at the ceiling and seeming to take in every detail of the room. Lexa gets a better look at her. She is a little shorter than Lexa, though not by much, and she is crossing her arms over her chest, like she is trying to hide behind them. Lexa notices that, though it is quite warm outside, the girl is wearing sweat pants, rather than shorts. When her eyes reach Clarke's face she notices that Clark has her furrowed brow back, and looks a little flushed and angry again.

"Look, I know I do not exactly scream "gym material" but I thought I could actually better myself by coming here. …this was stupid." The last part seems like it was said more to herself than Lexa.

 _What? What just happened?_

"I'm, uh, I'm sorry, Clarke…is it okay if I call you Clarke?"

Clarke gives a short nod. "It's my name, so…" Lexa waits for her to continue, but she doesn't.

"Okay... Clarke….I'm not really sure what just happened…what is gym material?"

Clarke looks at the ground, but her voice stays strong as she speaks. "I'm not here to become some mindless girl with a perfect body." She waves her hand at Lexa as she says 'perfect body', and Lexa tries to ignore the tingle in her stomach. "I just want to be stronger and do something good for myself. Make myself the healthiest version of me that I can." Lexa's heart warms hearing her thoughts from early echoed back at her. "I don't want to feel judged while I'm trying to do that." She shakes her head, now looking sadder rather than mad, before looking down and turning to leave.

Lexa is still super confused and reaches for Clarkes arm before she thinks about it. Her hand wraps around Clarke's wrist and it feels warm and soft. She ignores how much she likes the feeling and gently pulls Clarke to get her to turn back around.

"Woah, wait! Just wait a second." Lexa, takes a breath and tries to make sense of things. _What the fuck are you doing? Let her go if she wants!_

"Look, there is no such thing as one type of gym person. Anyone who is looking to improve themselves and be healthier is welcome here. That is exactly what it is for. There are quite a few shallow assholes around," she points her thumb over her shoulder in the direction of where Carli sits at the front desk, "but…not all of the people here are like that." Clarke looks unconvinced. "And there is no 'perfect body'," She uses air quotes to get her point across. "Whatever you are here to work on, we're here to help you do it. Nothing more, nothing less." Clarke's expression has softened slightly, though her mouth remains in a tight line, and she is looking down at the ground again, apparently deep in thought.

 _This girl thinks too much_. Lexa does not admit to herself that she is dying to know what those thoughts are.

Lexa uses the opportunity to chance another once over of the girl. She holds herself like someone who has played a sport of some kind before. There is a telling confidence in her posture that Lexa has come to recognize. And, while she seems a little self-conscious about her body, Lexa cannot understand why. Only the bottom two-thirds of her arms, and her neck are exposed, but she seems to exude something that pulls Lexa in. _She is actually rather beautiful_. Lexa blinks her eyes, trying to rid herself of the thought, which has caught her off guard.

"Then why do you keep looking at me like that? Is it the pants?" Clarke's voice is lower now, and curiosity has replaced the anger in her tone. Lexa feels her face burn. She freezes. _What the fuck?_ Lexa swallows hard, trying to figure a way out of this without completely embarrassing herself.

"I, uh…" _Think. Think. Say something you total and complete idiot._

"Hey, Lex! Got a new member here?"

 _Lincoln, you beautiful, beautiful man._

"Lincoln! Yes, this is Clarke. She is really looking forward to starting with us. Actually, would you mind showing her around? I, uh…I'm not feeling well." She looks at Clarke, whose eyebrows are raised in surprise and confusion. "It was nice to meet you, Clarke." Before she can stop it, she bows towards them, stands upright, and then freezes, realizing what she has done.

 _What the fuck was that? Did you just bow? WHO ARE YOU?_

"Excuse me." And without waiting for an answer from either of them, she turns and walks away. Lincoln looks a little shocked at her actions, but she already hears him starting his passionate speech about the gym, and she knows Clarke will be won over in no time. When she reaches the locker room and is halfway in, she pauses. With one hand on the edge of the door, and most of her body behind it, she chances a glance back to see Lincoln speaking animatedly, and Clarke watching him intently, her expression gentle once again. Her blue eyes glance in Lexa's direction for a moment and Lexa swears there is a small smirk. And a little bit of a blush.

Lexa's eyes go wide, feeling a terror she has never known, and she turns and retreats to the locker room.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke sits in the car, outside the gym, frozen in thought. The music coming from the speakers is calming, just quiet enough that she can still get lost in her thoughts without having to fight the impulse to sing along. She glances up to the sky, watching the clouds move at a leisurely pace, bringing fleeting shadows and taking them away just as quickly. _Here one second, gone the next. Nothing lasts. Change is the only constant._

 _UGH_

She lets out an audible groan and rolls her eyes at her own melodramatic thoughts. Clarke has always enjoyed thinking in tragically realistic, borderline poetic, not that profound, truisms, but has realized as she has gotten older that pontificating on the meaningless of everything is a pointless exercise. She has come to accept that most things are pointless. And maybe she is wrong. Maybe she has always been cynically waiting for something to save her from the numbness that she has grown accustomed to. Hoping but never really expecting too much.

 _I create my own meaning. I choose who I want to be. Existence precedes essence._

She feels the familiar shame creeping up but refuses to give it any room to grow. _No more._

 _You can think in existential clichés if you want, dammit! Your thoughts are your own._

 _You're Clarke, bitch!_

She has to chuckle at herself. She swears that the last thought is in the voice of Raven, and it warms her a little that her friend is still so present in her mind, though they haven't spoken in so long. She knows that Raven is one of the few people that really knows Clarke. She knows how Clarke gets wrapped up in so many thoughts, trying to follow strings to something meaningful, and often ending up nowhere. She knows that Clarke loves thinking like that; overthinking, entertaining ridiculousness, venturing to the dark and strange places the human mind can take her. She knows that Clarke is always searching for something; that she is always trying to hide her rampant fascination with the universe; with silly big ideas, and profound small ones. Raven knew it all and Clarke felt that she was maybe the only person that accepted all her weirdness. Even if Raven lived across the country, Clarke was grateful for that acceptance, especially when Clarke could not find it for herself.

Clarke knows that she has come a long way from who she was before. Depressed and anxiety ridden, lost in a cloud of weed and self-loathing, despising herself equally for both caring too much and not caring enough. She had spent so long trying to hide her geeky, nerdy, curious mind from anyone who might make her feel bad about it. Spent even more time being that very shaming voice she hid from. But she had pulled herself back. She felt stronger than she had in ages. Like a tiny emotional warrior was inside of her now. _Hehe._

 _Tiny warrior Clarke._ She liked that.

Now, she was able to just…be. To stay present and mindful. To ground herself. But she still got lost in her head. Still let small, illogical anxieties take over, occasionally. But she was working on doing. On taking action for herself. She even made a list.

The first thing on it was to get her confidence back. She hadn't had it in a while. Finn took it from her. The world and its stupid heteronormativity, shaming, and misogyny kept it from her. She knew there was more to it...that she played a role in her own life, but she hated those things that she couldn't control. She felt anger at the injustice of it all rise in her chest, bubbling in her stomach.

 _Breathe._ And she did.

She looked back at the gym. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous. It is just a gym, where people go to work out, to be healthy. She knew that. She knew she wanted to go to work on actual strength, rather than just running and meditating. She wanted to feel her own power. But people were there. She had improved so much, but isolating was still an issue. She preferred the company of her own thoughts over the judgement of others. People were…not always great.

People did not really _get_ Clarke.

 _You can do this. You have control of yourself. You are not concerned with the judgement of others anymore. Remember? That isn't you._

Clarke knew that voice in her head was right, but it was still scary. She had done so much for herself. She had given up those vices she had clung to for so long. She could actually feel things again. She could be fucking honest with herself. Hell, she could run a mile again! She had been so proud for reaching that goal. She had felt so strong.

 _I'm Clarke, bitches!_

 _You are here because you want to feel strong again, right? You want to feel at home in your body again, right? Become mindful of what you are capable of, right?_

"Yes." She says it out loud and it makes her feel a little braver. She looks down at herself and questions the choice of sweat pants again. She has been so much better about being okay with herself, but at the last minute she got nervous that her legs would be exposed around a bunch of fit gym people and threw the sweat pants on instead. She wasn't sure why. They were just legs. Just normal, human legs.

 _Who gives a fuck? They are your legs. And your pants. YOUR PANTS!_

"My pants!" She sees a guy walking by her car give her a strange look and realizes that her window is open. She quickly looks away, but chuckles to herself.

 _See. Zero fucks given. Be who you want to be._

She had to admit, if that had happened a few years ago, she may have let herself spiral. But she wasn't that person anymore.

Finally, and suddenly, in a burst of courage, she exits the car and walks to the door of the gym. Though it was a short walk, she felt the heat acutely. _Not sure the pants were worth it._ Luckily, as she opens the door to the gym, she feels a refreshing wall of cool air engulf her. She breathes out a sigh of relief. Taking in the room, she glances towards the front desk, where a pretty blonde girl is sitting making flirty chatter with someone else hidden behind a giant computer monitor. She watches as the blonde appears disappointed with how her conversation is going and slides back towards a smaller computer, before she spots Clarke. She gives an overly-friendly greeting and Clarke tries not to overthink her response.

"Um, I, uh, wanted to sign up. For the gym. I mean, a membership? Sorry, I don't know how this works. I've never really been to a gym."

 _Maybe a little thought would have been good._

She tries to smile to lessen the awkward feeling in her chest, but she fails miserably as she sees the blonde look her over with such judging eyes that Clarke cannot help being offended. Clarke wasn't sure if she was disapproving of Clarke's body or her pants, but she was immediately annoyed.

 _MY FUCKING PANTS!_

"Let me just grab the application and I'll need a form of ID."

Clarke calms herself and refuses to let this girl break her. _I will not let you shame me for anything._ Clark grabs her ID and snaps it down on the counter, wishing so bad she could slap that stupid smile off of the girl's face.

"Just fill this out and we can get you started." Clarke grabs the pen that is handed to her and starts filling out the application. _This is what is wrong with fucking gyms. Making people who just want to improve themselves feel worse and making money off of them. And of course they put some perfect blonde bitch up front to try to make us feel worse. What is she, 16 years old? She is tiny. I bet she is hungry all the time. Women shouldn't have to feel guilty for not fitting some shitty ideal of beauty that doesn't fucking exist. I decide when I'm beautiful._

Clarke knew she was getting carried away with herself again. She could just picture her little inner warrior Clarke on a tiny little soap box, reciting feminist literature with such pretentious accuracy that she had to stop from rolling her eyes at herself. But she was pissed. And she would rather be pissed than let that bitch make Clarke doubt herself. That was a slippery slope and she refused to start down it.

Feeling as if she is being watched, she looks up to the space behind the larger computer monitor only to be stunned by the brightest and greenest eyes she had ever seen. Staring directly at her.

She was having an experience that Clarke had very rarely, usually when she knew someone fairly well, when she was suddenly struck by the truth that, behind two eyes in front of her, there is an entire personal world of someone else's consciousness; hopes, fears, insecurities, hidden strengths, comforting memories. Everything. All that the human mind is capable of. All that the human consciousness observes. Individually unique interpretations of totally average, everyday events. Just on the other side. The thought always left her in awe. This time was no different.

Except this was a total stranger.

And those eyes were definitely not like anything she had ever seen.

 _Shit._

Clark's inner monologue was suddenly jammed. It was over in a second and she could do nothing but look back down at the application and fill out the rest without a single extra thought floating around. As she signs her name at the bottom of the page, she considers looking back towards the eyes, to make sure she hadn't imagined them, when Blonde Bitch suddenly returns. Clarke trades in her form for a brochure, on autopilot, bringing her attention back as the Blonde Bitch speaks again.

"Okay! So Ms. Griffin, which membership would you like to sign up for today? Our basic membership includes 24 hour gym access, use of the community lockers and showers in the locker room, and 1 free exercise class a month. Any additional classes will cost extra, as will use of the sauna and any personal training sessions. Then we have the Special package…" Clarke is trying to listen, but mostly thinking about ( _eyes...NO!...focus_ ) the prices and if anything would be worth paying $20-$40 more a month. She tunes back in has she hears Blonde Bitch change her tone to a sickly sweet one that makes Clarke's skin crawl.

"I, however, recommend the Premium membership. It includes all of that, plus access to our nutritionist, free visitor passes, and access to your own locker. That one will have ANYONE in beach ready shape in no time." Clarke does not miss the not-so-subtle dig in the girl's tone and she is about to throw the brochure in the bitches face, when she hears a much more pleasant voice interrupt her thoughts.

"Carli. Go see if you can find some more brochures in the stock room. We're getting low up here."

Blonde Bitch (or Carli… _whatever_ ) looks startled and Clarke does everything she can to not laugh out loud at her discomfort.

"But…I'm helping a customer…"

 _Helping? Pissing off is more accurate._

"I will finish up with her. Go. Now." Carli seems a little scared of the authority in the voice and Clarke watches as she scurries away.

"Okay…I'll be back…"

Clarke has to steady herself as she watches the owner of that voice and those deep, green eyes stand tall and walk over to the computer where Carli had been moments before. _Just another pretty girl. Calm down._ But she was more than pretty.

Blonde Bitch was basic.

This girl was gorgeous.

Every inch of her skin that was exposed was toned and glistened, as if she had worked out recently...and for her whole life. She held her self with an intimidating confidence; the sort of confidence Clarke had always been drawn to; had always envied. And she was showing no sort of thought or emotion in her face. The eyes that were vastly opened moments earlier were not as clear to read now. Clarke was always good at reading people's faces, but this girl was a different story. She had yet to meet Clarke's eyes again, as she looked over her application. Clarke looked down on the brochure, while she still could, so as not to be caught staring.

"So, Ms. Griffin, which membership would you be interested in signing up for?" Clarke risks a glance up at the girl for a quick second and sees a curiosity, bigger than the spoken question, behind those giant eyes. _Her eyes are asking more difficult questions._ But her face is stone.

 _Or marble._

 _As in, carved from._

 _As in, how does someone that beautiful even exist?_

Clark has to look away. She hadn't even really taken in much of the information about the membership details, but she knows she is going for the cheapest one.

"I think I'll stick with the basic one."

"Okay then." Marble Girl starts typing and Clarke is a little surprised she isn't being pushed harder to take the pricier membership. "If you do want a personal trainer session or to attend a class, or anything else, just come to the front desk and you can pay for it separately."

 _Hm. I wonder if Marble Girl is just better at this._ Her distrustful brain kicks in. _She may be gorgeous, but she is a person like anyone else. Capable of deceiving. Slowly building to a more subtle sale's pitch. Smarter. Plus, she could probably sell anything to anyone. Look at her. She has that gorgeous look about her that screams "I know you want to get with this and/or look like this…so you better spend all your time here and give us more money to do it."_

 _I will not be taken in!_

Tiny warrior Clark is suiting up, ready for battle.

 _MY PANTS!_

"This is honestly the better deal, if you ask me."

 _Huh_? Clarke is honestly taken back by the girl's genuine tone. She speaks in a lower voice this time. It is a gravely whisper. It is warm and inviting.. She can't help but smile. And when she sees the Marble Girl smile back, she cannot look away. She was already gorgeous…in a brooding, stoic, untouchable kind of way.

But that smile.

 _Damn._

The girl looks back at her computer and they go through the motions finishing up all of the final details. Clarke barely hears most of it. _Is she moving in slow motion? What is happening?_

 _Get it together Griffin._

"So, I think you are all set. Are you ready for a tour?" Clarke mumbles some kind of assent, before seeing Carli reappear.

"Lexa, I couldn't find any of those brochures. I looked everywhere!"

 _Lexa_. _Marble Girl's name is Lexa._

Lexa barely looks at Carli while responding. "Oh, I found some in that drawer down there. My bad."

The look on Blonde Bitch's face is golden and Clarke can't help the giggle that escapes her, knowing that Lexa never searched for brochures. _I should know, I've been watching._ She tries to hide her amusement by turning away.

"Come on, Ms. Griffin. Let's do your tour."

Clarke follows the instruction to get through the gate and meets Lexa on the other side. She is feeling a little better now that she has succeeded in actually signing up, but the Blonde Bitch got to her more than she would admit. She was feeling a little self-conscious and overwhelmed by so many odd experiences over the last few moments. And she started doing something that she promised she would avoid at all costs. She started comparing. This Lexa was more beautiful than anyone had any right to be and Clarke was just…Clarke. Frumpy sweatpants, squishy body, very little grace.

Logically, she knows hat comparing herself to others has never gotten her anywhere good. It is pointless and silly. She distracts herself by taking in her surroundings. She needs some grounding. The wall behind the front desk had blocked most of the gym until now, and Clark saw that it was much bigger than she had originally thought. The room in front of her looked like it housed any sort of gym equipment imaginable, but it seemed spacious, rather than cramped. There were stairs across the room that looked like they led to a lower floor, and there was what looked like a track circling the whole main room half way up the high walls.

When Clarke finally looks back to Lexa, she sees the girl eyeing her clothes, stoic face back in place, eyes unreadable once again. Clarke, already on the defensive, reacts immediately and without thinking at all, the confusion of the last few minutes fueling an illogical reaction. _I knew it. Different tactics, same goal. Size me up, sell me things, entice me with your beauty. I know your game._

"Look, I know I do not exactly scream 'gym material' but I thought I could actually better myself by coming here." Clark was immediately a little embarrassed by her reaction, but didn't know what to do. She was too far into her rant now. _maybe this was too much too fast "…this was stupid."_

"I'm, uh, I'm sorry, Clarke…is it okay if I call you Clarke?"

Clarke feels her anger continue to rise but also feels a tiny flutter at hearing her name on Lexa's lips. "It's my name, so…" Silence.

 _Smooth. Real smooth._

"Okay... Clarke….I'm not really sure what just happened…" Lexa seems at a loss…"what is gym material?"

Clarke has to look at the ground to steady herself, because this is the kind of thing she wants to be better at. Speaking her mind. Without fear. She has forgotten the point of any of this. Has gotten pulled out of her constantly turning mind, somehow, and just speaks exactly what she is thinking. "I'm not here to become some mindless girl with a perfect body." She points at Lexa without thinking. "I just want to be stronger and do something good for myself. Make myself the healthiest version of me that I can. I don't want to feel judged while I'm trying to do that." She glances at Lexa and sees her softly shining eyes pointed in Clarke's direction, with a hint of confusion evident.

Clarke feels stupid. And a little crazy. Which is a feeling she hates. _This whole thing could have gone better._ Clarke feels a little disappointment in herself. It's no longer about the gym. It has just become about her own embarrassment now. Her own anxiety. _I need to leave._

As she turns, she feels warm skin on her wrist that shoots a tingle slowly up her arm. "Woah, wait! Just wait a second." The voice is soft and gentle and Clarke is rooted to the spot by the feel of Lexa's hand on Clarke's skin and the look in her eyes as she speaks. The eyes of opened once again, and Clarke is a little lost. "Look, there is no such thing as one type of gym person. Anyone who is looking to improve themselves and be healthier is welcome here. That is exactly what it is for. There are quite a few shallow assholes around, but…not all of the people here are like that."

Clarke could see that way Lexa's eyes were pleading with her. Trying to tell her that _Lexa_ wasn't like that. Her stomach twisted and she struggled to keep her extensively constructed internal wall in place.

"And there is no 'perfect body'," Clarke struggled not to look at the example before her that contradicted that statement.

 _Yeah right._

"Whatever you are here to work on, we're here to help you do it. Nothing more, nothing less." Clarke had to look away from Lexa. She felt too vulnerable after her outburst and felt like smiling at the girl would leave her exposed somehow.

Lexa was right. There was no perfect body. _Lexa's is pretty damn close though..._

 _You just got through lecturing yourself about this._

She knew she had let her internal freak out take over. She thought she had gotten better at this. She always tells herself something she logically knows is true, but when her emotions rear their ugly heads, she forgets it. Or says the wrong things. And then hates herself for it.

She knew Lexa was being genuine. She looked back up at Lexa and, again, found green eyes staring. But, before letting herself get defensive again, she looked a little closer.

There was no hint of judgement in her eyes. There was something though. Something she couldn't quite read. Clarke was becoming frustrated at how difficult it was to read this girl. _Goddamn beautiful marble face._ She decided to be a little braver than usual.

"Then why do you keep looking at me like that? Is it the pants?"

… _My pants?_

She seems to startle Lexa out of a trance. "I, uh…". Clarke saw a red tinge creeping up the smooth expanse of Lexa's neck.

 _Is she blushing?_

All of Clarke's thoughts screech to a halt. She swears she actually hears the sound of a record scratch.

 _No way. No fucking way._

She almost laughs at the ridiculous thought. Clarke could barely entertain the notion that Lexa, Marble Girl, owner of the most devastatingly beautiful face Clarke had ever seen, attached to a toned, sculpted, killer body, was checking her out.

 _No._

 _Fucking._

 _Way._

"Hey, Lex! Got a new member here?"

Clarke does not have time to process this new development before she is met with the wide smile and broad shoulders of the man in front of her, greeting her with a firm hand shake.

"Lincoln! Yes, this is Clarke. She is really looking forward to starting with us. Actually, would you mind showing her around? I, uh…I'm not feeling well." Lexa meets Clarke's eyes for a moment, and Clark can still not process what has just happened. "It was nice to meet you, Clarke."

And then Lexa bows.

Bows? Do people bow?

 _I know I don't get out much but...that was…weird._

And Clarke cannot help the swooping in her stomach because Lexa looks mortified and Clarke is giddy at the fact that this girl, who was possibly the coolest person she has ever seen about 5 minutes ago, just out-awkwarded Clarke. Clarke finds it extremely endearing. Because it is a rare experience indeed.

Lexa turns and walks quickly away.

She is half listening to Lincoln tell her about all of the parts of the gym, and even giving him half of her attention, she has already become excited about working out here. His enthusiasm is infectious. When she chances a look in the direction that Lexa had retreated to, she sees intense green eyes peeking out from behind the door a her pulse quickens.

 _Did any of this really happen?_

 _I think I might actually I like the gym._


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa tapped her finger nails on the plastic of the laptop as she waited for the website to load. When the page finally appeared, she groaned out loud.

"Uuuugh"

"What is it now?"

Lexa glared over her laptop at Anya. "He still hasn't posted the grades for the test. He said he would by tonight."

Anya just rolled her eyes, and stood up from the couch. "It is only 7. Would you relax? You have had a stick up your ass all week...more than usual." The blonde carried her now empty pasta bowl to the sink in the kitchen, passing by the chair where Lexa reclined, computer in her lap, teasingly pushing her head as she went.

Lexa ignored her, and continued to stare at the screen, pretending to focus on what was there. She could feel Anya's eyes on her.

"Seriously, what's the deal with you?"

Lexa rolled her eyes. "There is no 'deal' with me. I am just trying to stay on top of all this work I have. I don't want to get behind in my last year."

"Lex, your GPA is, like, 5 billion, and you told me last week that the work load this year is nothing compared to all the years before."

"That is not how GPAs works, smart ass. And I still need to stay focused."

Anya sighs. "Whatever. I'm going to the gym to see if this client will actually show. I hate evening clients."

Lexa smirks at this. "Then why did you agree to take him?"

"Because Echo is out for a few days, all the other trainers have a full client list right now, and SOMEONE took a random week off, to stare at her computer screen. How did you even convince Lincoln to let you do that?"

Lexa ignored the question, trying to forget the extra clients she thoughtlessly agreed to take on. "I told you I am trying to stay on…"

"Top of all this work you have. Yes, so I hear…"Anya rolls her eyes. "I'm leaving." With an annoyed huff, she is out the door.

Lexa refreshes the page again, and waits.

 _I do need to get ahead this work,_ she thinks indignantly to herself. _If I can get ahead now, it will make it much easier when the semester gets busier._ She looks across the small living room and out the window, where the sun has already lowered itself, leaving the sky in the confused purple state between the soft blue of day and the deep blue of night. Some of the brighter stars can already be seen. She is on the third floor, so there are no trees or powerlines to block her view. Just solid fading color, like the background of a painting that hes yet to be truly started.

 _You know why you are here._

Lexa shakes her head. She could not think about that right now.

 _Because you are soooo busy? You have finished all your assignments for the next 2 weeks, you know the material for your next test like the back of your hand, and you have to go back to the gym tomorrow. This is as good a time as any._

She releases a shaky sigh. She had thrown herself into school, begged Lincoln for a week off, and did all her working out at home for the past 6 days, and she had barely let her mind wander to the 'why' of it all.

 _Clarke._

At the thought of just the name, she huffed and looked around, as if someone might have heard her thought.

She did not understand what had happened. In the 7 years she had worked at the gym, Lexa barely spoke to anyone who was not a client or a staff member, and most of the staff were like family, so she didn't count them. Clients got a very no-nonsense version of Lexa. Which was not that far off from who she was. She was there to help them, minimally encourage them when necessary, and then that was it. And outside of the gym, it was much of the same. When she was younger, she had dipped her toe into the world of socializing, flirting and dating, but with Costia and the accident…she could see where it led. And she would not let herself go there again. It was pointless and dangerous. She wasn't a child anymore. She couldn't just let her emotions steer her around like a puppet. She had commitments and responsibilities. To herself. To Lincoln. To Anya.

 _Okay, Bad Ass, then what happened?_

She was at a loss. As soon as she saw those blue eyes, that seemed to be perpetually searching and thinking, she could not account for her actions. The girl seemed so different from anyone she had met before. Lexa firmly believed that most people were the same, underneath their attempts to seem different. Outside of her gym family, she had rarely met any that proved her wrong. That is how she lived her life. But Clarke really messed with those beliefs.

 _You met her for five minutes and then made an ass of yourself, and left! How do you even know that she's different? What does different even mean?_

 _Get a hold of yourself, Commander._ She smiled at the nickname her co-workers gave her for getting shit done with clients but not being quite as terrifying as Anya.

She breathed deeply. She had been arguing with herself much more than usual.

Clarke just felt different. She seemed so nervous and self-conscious…but very sharp and aware. She had something behind her eyes that just scrambled Lexa's defense system. Like a spy infiltrating a fortress and shutting down all programmed alert systems, without being detected. Lexa felt herself being pulled in. She felt questions on her tongue and hopes in her heart. She wanted to build Clarke up when she saw her crumble. She wanted to cheer for herself when she made Clarke giggle. She wanted to reach out and hug her tight so that she could feel the shape of her body under her adorably loose fitting clothes and…

 _Jesus._

 _This is why. This is why I needed time._

Lexa began mentally preparing herself for the next day. She would go in early, go for a run to clear her head, get her mind right, and maybe spend some time doing the yoga stretches she had learned in class. Take care of herself. She wasn't even sure if Clarke would be there, or if she had been there at all in the past week. Maybe she was sufficiently weirded out by Lexa on that first day and decided against going back.

But if she hadn't…if she was there, Lexa could handle it. She was around beautiful girls all the time. She was around beautiful boys all the time. Clarke was just a different kind of person that Lexa had to adjust to. Different but still, ultimately, the same. Lexa could ignore anyone and focus through anything. She could still be strong. Weakness is not an option.

 _You can do this._

She refreshed the page one more time. Her grade appeared on the screen.

" _Yes!" A again._

 _You got this._

As she made her way to the front door, Clarke could feel the ache in her arms from the previous day's work out. She had not lifted weights since high school off seasons, and she was feeling it now. It was a good pain though. She felt proud of herself. Accomplished. Her legs had been much sorer yesterday, but it had mostly subsided, and she was plaining on having a run to work out some of the rest of the achiness.

She had been here 5 of the last 7 days and she was a little impressed with herself. And not just for actually showing up and working out. After that first day, she had returned and spent about an hour distractedly searching for green eyes and brown hair as she absentmindedly strolled through the equipment. But Lexa was nowhere to be found. And Clarke internally kicked herself. Because she was here for herself, NOT for some girl. And she went to work, testing out the equipment. Seeing where her body was at. What she could lift, and what she needed to work on.

Now, a week later, after doing so well for the whole week, her thoughts drifted back to Lexa, without her permission.

 _You met her ONCE, a week ago! What is wrong with you? Let it go!_

 _You always do this. Make up stories in your head about some beautiful girl or boy that is perfect and will rescue you from yourself._

 _No, I don't need rescuing. That is the old me._ Clarke was sure of that much. She was over trying to rely on others to make herself feel better. She could do that on her own. The younger, romantic version of herself was gone. Logic and reason were the better option. Sure, she believed in being kind and compassionate; respecting people. But losing yourself in someone else or wasting time on finding a 'happily-ever-after'…that was nonsense. Even the idea of being attracted to someone felt so strange. It had been so long…years, in fact, that she felt that way about anyone. She just figured it wouldn't happen. That it was just an illusion of all of those false beliefs and childish fantasies. That could not be what this was.

 _Then what is this story? The one that you are making up about Lexa. That she was into you?...Really? Did you see her?_

 _Probably not the case._

Clarke recognized that she had been entertaining those ridiculous ideas about romance, love at first sight, and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. But it wasn't real. None of it. It was a lie. A joke.

 _It is a story we are told from a young age. It makes little kids think they need to be in a relationship to feel whole. It makes grown adults think that their worth is dependent on whether or not someone is attracted to them. Or wants to touch them. Or wants to have sex with them._

Clarke is frustrated that her internal rant has somehow ended with picturing Lexa, doing all those things. With Clarke.

 _No! Stop it!_

Clarke walks through the gym to the stairs that lead up to the track. She has her headphones in and tries to get lost in her own world as she starts to walk briskly on the track to warm up her muscles. She looks down at the gym equipment. It is not very busy at the moment. It is still early. There are only maybe 4 people there, lifting weights and stretching. She takes a look around the track for the first time and sees that there is another person running on the opposite side and…

 _Shit._

 _It's her._

She is on the opposite side, a little past where Clarke is, so Lexa's back is to her as she runs. Clarke cannot stop looking. She is wearing tiny running shorts and a sports bra. That is it. Clarke swallows thickly. She sees that all of her skin is a light golden brown, and glistening evenly. Clarke wonders how long she has been running. Lexa has several tattoos on her back and arms and Clarke feels her chest tighten. _Why? Why tattoos? Damn you, beautiful body art!_ She feels a warmth expand slightly between her heart and stomach. And somewhere a little lower.

As Lexa reaches the curve in the track, Clarke tears her eyes away. _Act like she's not here._ She looks forward, takes a deep breath and, without thinking, starts to lightly jog. She focuses on the music and keeping her breathing steady. It works, quickly actually, and she is caught up in the feel of her legs and pushing all of the air out of her lungs fully before inhaling in again, focusing on maintaining an even pace with her steps and her breathing. She sees Lexa pass her twice, which doesn't surprise her. The girl could probably go for hours.

 _Don't even…_

But Lexa stays on the opposite side of the wide path, so Clarke manages to keep her focus off of the girl. Clarke makes it around the track twice (further than she thought she would) before, already short of breath, she sees Lexa's figure in her periphery, much closer than before. She is slowly passing and Clarke chances a glance at her. It is a mistake.

Her green eyes are fixed ahead of her, blazing and focused. Some of the loose curls of her dark hair that have escaped her braid are sticking to her glistening neck. As Clarkes eyes trail down, avoiding focusing on the tattoos for too long, she sees beads of sweat slowly gliding down the muscles in her lower back, which are rippling with ever stride, and into the band of her shorts, that cover her firm and perfect…

 _Fuck._

Her breath catches and she has to stop, though she manages to continue walking. She closes her eyes for a second and holds her arms over her head, placing her hands on the top of her head. She keeps her steps steady, as she tries to breathe deeply and control her heart rate. Her music blocks out any sign that Lexa was breathing heavily so near to her.

She tries not to berate herself too much. The nice thing about exercise is that it is one of the few things that slows her racing thoughts. She puts her distance at a little over a mile, which is not too bad for her, but she knows she may have lasted longer without the…distraction. She is not sure how long she has been walking, but when she opens her eyes, she sees no one in front of her. Slowly, she turns her head to the rest of the track.

It's empty.

Clarke is slightly relieved. She continues walking until she reaches the steps that lead down to the lower level. When she reaches the bottom, she feels some tightness in her quads and figures she should probably stretch, but part of her is afraid to stay out in the open. As if Lexa is lurking around a corner. She feels strangely vulnerable to being caught unaware again by Lexa's presence. She looks ahead and sees a door with the word CALM on the top of the door frame. She remembers Lincoln mentioning that the room was kind of a miscellaneous space that people could stretch or meditate in, when they wanted a few moments of quiet. It wasn't always guaranteed to be empty, and it didn't lock, but Clarke figured with so few people she would be safe to stretch in there. To calm herself.

As she pulled the door open, she realized it was weighted and much heavier than she was expecting, so as soon as she pulled it wide enough she hopped through.

She froze.

 _Of, fucking, course._

In front of her, on a yoga mat, was Lexa. The front of her legs were flat on the ground, pointed at the toes towards the back of her mat. The top half of her body, starting at her hips, was curved upward, held up by her arms, which were straight down in front of her, palms wide on the mat. Her eyes were closed and she breathed in deeply. Clarke was transfixed by how Lexa looked so serene. So perfect.

 _Seriously?_

And then, BANG!

The heavy door, slowed by its mechanics, slammed behind her.

Lexa's eyes shoot open, and her arms bend slightly, as she turns to look in the direction of the door. Clarke is standing, wide eyed, staring like a fool.

Neither of them speaks for a moment. Lexa seems just as dumfounded as Clarke at first, but her Marble mask slips back into place. Clarke decides to speak.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone was in here…I, uh…I just hate stretching out in the open." She leaves out the part about fearing this exact scenario. But she doesn't really want to leave now that she has found herself here. She's nervous, and for the first time in a while, it feels like a good kind of nervous.

Lexa just looks at her for a beat, giving away nothing, and nods curtly. "It's fine. There is plenty of room." She is so cool and collected. Clarke remembers when she bowed at her a week ago and wonders if she made the whole things up.

As Lexa breathes in deeply and goes back to her pose, Clarke slowly makes her way to the opposite side of the room, trying to avert her eyes. She glances up at the sound of a deep exhale from Lexa, and sees that she has transitioned to downward dog, holding her body up, ass in the air, pedaling her calves, hands firmly planted on the ground. She tries not to stare at the soft curve of toned triceps flexing from holding the position.

Now that she is here, sharing a space with Lexa, alone, she feels awkward and unable to decide what to do with her body from moment to moment. _Just stretch dammit!_ Without thinking she reaches down with her right hand and pulls her right foot back behind her to stretch her quad. She wobbles a little but finds the wall with her left hand to steady herself. When she gets comfortable in the stretch, she pulls back a little further and feels it stretch right where she needed it. She can't help but let out a soft, satisfied groan and close her eyes at how nice it feels. As she opens her eyes to switch sides, she glances over and sees Lexa, sitting on her knees, feet underneath her, staring at Clarke, face flushed (probably from her workout). As she releases her leg, she feels her eyebrows raise and the question slip out of its own accord.

"What?" Clarke wishes it didn't sound so insecure. Wishes that it conveyed more of a 'what are you looking at?' rather than a 'do I have food on my face?' tone.

Lexa blinks. "Um…you should really hold your stretches a little longer."

"Oh, um…okay." Clarke pauses. "Why?"

Lexa looks surprised at the question at first but recovers. "Anything less than 20 seconds doesn't really do much to lengthen the muscle fibers." Clarke is impressed by her tone. It sounds like she knows what she is talking about. Clarke tries not to find it so attractive.

"Ah. Okay, well…thanks." She pulls her right leg up again to hold it for longer.

"Of course."

They sit in silence for a few moments. Lexa is stretching her arms across her body, looking straight ahead again.

Once Clarke is done with the quad stretch, she looks down and tries to think of what to do next. Her mind feels a little sluggish. She knows she should stretch but she cannot seem to remember any stretches at this exact moment.

"What are you trying to stretch?"

She looks up again to see that Lexa has noticed her confused state.

"Oh, um…I'm not really sure actually. My quads were sore, but nothing else is particularly sore so…I guess I'm at a loss."

"Well you were running, right? So it may be a good idea to stretch your calves, hamstrings, hip flexors…and probably your lower back." She watches as Lexa seems to be thinking to herself for a second. "A good butt stretch never hurts either." The corner of Lexa's mouth curls up a little and Clarke can only nod her head and struggle to keep a full-blown, toothy grin off her own face, maintaining a tight lipped smile instead. Lexa mentioning a butt, anyone's butt, is doing funny things to Clarke's brain _._

"Do you know how to stretch any of those things?" There is a hint of laughter in Lexa's tone as she watches Clarke continue to stand there like an idiot. Clarke would probably be annoyed and defensive normally, but she couldn't seem to muster those feelings up right now.

"I, uh…yeah. The calf is just…"She quickly spins to face the wall, and puts the balls of her right foot against it as high as she can and leans forward, feeling a stretch.

She hears Lexa let out a soft, melodic laugh, just barely audible, and hates how her insides feel like a bottle of champagne, ready to pop.

"If you want, I can do a partner stretch with you. I think it feels better for the calf muscles."

Clarke is a little surprised, and barely registers as she nods and turns to face Lexa, who is slowly approaching her. _Is this real?_ The closer she gets the more difficult it becomes for Clarke to keep from looking anywhere but Lexa's body. In an effort to be less weird, she looks at Lexa's face instead. It was not the best solution.

Her Marble mask is gone, and Lexa's eyes are gentle and curious, as she stops about a foot away from Clarke and looks down. "Okay, so you are going to put the balls of your foot against mine, just like my foot was the wall, and I'll do the same thing. We are both going to push against each other's foot. The fact that we both have to stabilize helps a little with muscle control." She smirks a little. "Actually, that last part I don't know for sure, but it sounds good so….let's try."

And Clark actually chuckles and feels her chest expand, as the smile on Lexa's face does the same.

As she turns her toes upward and they bring them together, they both automatically grab each other's arms to stabilize. Clarke feels a wave of electricity jolt through her body at the contact.

 _Get your shit together, Griffin._

She sees Lexa close her eyes and take a deep breath and refuses to let her mind guess why. When she opens her eyes, Lexa looks down and they each adjust their footing so that they are stable. "Okay, now lean into it until you feel the stretch." Her voice is a little less steady and a little softer than before.

They each lean slightly forward at the hips, arms still grasping. Each girl looks slightly off to either side. Clarke can feel the warmth of Lexa's hands on her forearms and hopes that Lexa cannot feel Clarke's pulse in her hands as fully as she can feel it in her own neck. She refuses to turn her head at all. She can smell Lexa's shampoo mixed with the musky scent of her sweat and it is not at all as unappealing as Clarke thinks it should be.

"Okay, let's switch." _That was quick…was that 20 seconds?_ Clarke's sense of time feels off.

They switch feet and readjust again until they settle into the stretch. This time, Clarke chances turning her head slightly towards Lexa's and sees that she is still turned away. She is so close to the girl, she can see a small smattering of freckles around her nose. She lets her eyes glide back, over to her ear, and then down behind it, finding a scar there that runs about two inches down her neck, where she finds Lexa's pulse beating through her smooth skin. She swears the skin is glowing with each beat. _The moon lives in the lining of your skin._ She gets a sudden urge to lick the spot, to feel Lexa's pulse beating under her tongue.

Her eyes shoot back towards Lexa, fearing, somehow, that she will be caught. _Criminal thoughts._ But Lexa is still facing a little away, staring intently at a single spot on the ground. So Clark takes another risk and glances, out of the side of her eye, down to Lexa's lips. She does not risk breathing for fear of being caught. Her lips are slightly open, the bottom one so plump and inviting, begging, pleading with something inside Clarke that she had never been aware of until right in that moment. She wanted to nibble it, to feel it on her own lips; to glide her finger across it. Clarke feels that all of the particles in Lexa's body, in her face, in her lips ( _god, her lips)_ were vibrating. She _knew_ they were, actually. That was just quantum physics. But Clarke could swear she physically felt it right now, though she knew that was impossible. That somehow, in this moment, something was happening. Shifting. Expanding. Contracting. She felt that parts of her brain were being set on fire, burning away things she had always known, preparing a place just for Lexa; to allow a space that would fit the image and feel of Lexa's lips; her skin; her eyes.

 _Shit, her eyes!_

They were looking. They were seeing. Clarke had been caught.

She waited, expecting to be pushed away. Or laughed at. Or slapped.

But nothing happened. They just stared. No one breathed. No one moved. Clarke noticed specks of yellow in the emerald pools and a ring of sea-foam green around the edges. And then she saw Lexa's eyes lower, as Clarkes own had before. Eyes to lips and back again. The space was shrinking and it still felt like a canyon that she was hanging over. Held up by a thread.

"'I'm checking! Calm your tits!" The door burst open, and they flew apart like shrapnel. Actually, they were still in the calf stretch, less than a foot apart, but their arms released and they leaned back a few inches. It felt like miles to Clarke.

Anya, who had been calling over her shoulder when she opened the door, looked in as they slowly pulled apart their feet, giving no indication of the flurry of activity behind Clarke's aching frame or of what almost happened seconds before.

"Lex, there you are! Lincoln is looking for you. He needs someone to cover Echo's client today, and I'm sure as shit not doing it. He said you volunteered?" Anya waits for a response, annoyance and confusion on her face.

"Oh…yeah. I mean, Yeah! Sure! Got it!" Lexa looked around for a second, quickly rolled up her mat, and pushed by Anya through the door way without glancing back. Anya looked a little shocked at her enthusiasm, but shrugged, gave a curt nod in Clarke's direction, and left.

Clarke closed her eyes, brain still fuzzy, and drowned in the skin she could still feel burning on her arms and the sweet sensation of Lexa's breath on her cheek.

 _I am fucked._


End file.
